Personal growth, gender, and goal-setting (Progress report for February 1, 2020)

205,249 words total in the manuscript. Currently revising Chapter 38 of 68. Thirty more chapters to go!

Are there gender differences when it comes to success in personal growth?

I get that Grant Cardone’s The 10X Rule is what my friend Sarah recently called “dude thinking” when I told her about it.

Basically, the gist of the book (which I also talked about here) is that if you’re not living the life you want, you need to apply about 10X the effort you are currently applying. It was a good book, a “light a fire under your ass” kind of book, with the message that people who tell you to be realistic are never going to help you accomplish your dreams.

My friend Sarah argues that this push, push, push attitude works for men but causes women to shut down — an argument which makes sense to me, up to a point.

I saw a video or heard a podcast from some kind of speaker (I wish I could remember his name now or what the context was) who takes people on these transformational adventures. He learned the hard way, he said, that if you push, push, push men, they will hate you and fight you in the moment but eventually have a breakthrough and thank you for it. But if you try the same tactics with women, they will shut down and stop growing.

I think there’s some truth to that. (Do you?)

But personally, I’m female, and I still appreciate a good, strong push sometimes, as well as being hard on myself. If I wasn’t hard on myself at times, if I didn’t push, I would not have written eleven-ish novels and novellas over the past five and a half years.

Things don’t happen if you don’t push sometimes, y’all.

I think we should all appreciate the value of an unrealistic goal.

I get that Grant Cardone’s book is a case of us needing “different medicine at different times.” If I always try to push at 10X levels, or if I’m not careful about how I approach it, I’m likely to burn out. I don’t think it’s wise to sacrifice physical or mental health in service of achieving goals — that’s like caring more about the golden egg and neglecting the golden goose.

BUTTTTTT…..

But wouldn’t you rather aim for a sky-high goal and fall a little short than aim for a mediocre goal and fall a little short?

I think we need goals that others consider “unrealistic,” because, male or female, growth requires going beyond our current capacities. If we don’t move towards what makes us uncomfortable, if we don’t push sometimes, we’ll always stay stuck.

Is this “dude thinking”?

My unrealistic goal for February is to finish final edits for Soldier of Dorsa by February 10th.

I originally set a goal to finish the first draft of Soldier of Dorsa by January 13th, then I moved it back to January 20th, but then I realized I could push myself harder, and I got it done by January 6th.

I’m going to try for some similar magic on revisions. I thought I might be able to finish editing by January 31st, but it’s been a slower process than I anticipated.

My new due date for myself on the second draft is February 10th.

But that requires me to edit at the rate of about three chapters per day, which is about two chapters per day faster than I’ve been going! If I can’t get it done by February 10th, then okay — I will accept that as long as I am truly pushing as hard as I can to finish without being lazy or procrastinating.

But like I said: I would rather set an unrealistic goal and fall a little short than set a mediocre goal and fall short of that!

Alright, Grant Cardone. I’m channeling you, buddy. Even if you did pose with Fox & Friends anchors (blech!), I’m going to try to follow your advice and get this sucker done.