The pain of starting over; the joy of outlining.

Empress of Dorsa Update:

Total words today: 1,395
Manuscript total: 19,026

Yes, as you can see from my word count, I started all over again with Empress of Dorsa. Out of the 93,000 words I wrote on the first go, so far I have kept just Chapter 1.

Oh, to laugh or to cry?

But as I have been discussing lately, I am actually feeling satisfied with my progress. The podcast I listened to about creativity, in which multi-award-winning novelist Jennifer Egan stated that she frequently wrote 40-50 drafts before calling a book “done” heartened me. I’m also excited that I don’t have to support myself financially with only my writing, because it means I have the freedom to really slow down if I need to and do the very best work I am capable of. Since I started writing lesfic in 2016, this is the first time I’ve been in that position.

That is one of the dangers of being independently published.

I like being an indie. When LT and I eventually finish Moon & Cord, I will probably have to deal with things like agents and contracts for the first time, but in the meantime, I really like the creative control that comes with going the non-traditional route in my creative career.

I do feel that indies, especially those of us who financially depend partly or solely upon our books, do run a danger of rushing our writing and putting out work that could be better if we’d had more time (and the cash for a round of developmental edits).

Most indies I know who have a healthy full-time income from writing publish at a rate of 3-4 books per year.

Think about that for a moment: That is truly an *insane pace* to write at!

In contrast, Jennifer Egan said it took her almost twenty years to write A Visit from the Goon Squad, which won the Pulitzer Prize, and it took her another seven years to write Manhattan Beach, which made it to the long list of the National Book Award.

I’m NOT SAYING that it’s impossible to write a really good book swiftly. I’m not! I consider To Have Loved & Lost to be one of my best books, and that thing came out of me in less than six months and I barely rewrote any of it. And I also think that it’s wholly possible to spend years on a book and still have it turn out to be utter trash!

Plus, there’s also something to be said for the benefits of a bit of pressure applied to the creative process.

Even traditionally published authors have to yield to the pressure of deadlines, after all. (Except for George RR Martin, apparently.)

Anyway, I’m glad to be writing again. Especially with…

~ everything ~.

I realized the other day that I had a sore tooth. It was hard to chew and throbbed on and off most of the day. I wondered if I was finally going to get a cavity for the first time, and if I’d need a visit to the dentist soon.

Then I realized that probably wasn’t what it was; in all likelihood, I’d been grinding my teeth at night.

Grinding my teeth is something I do when I am particularly stressed out. I wouldn’t even know that I did it if not for ex-girlfriends sometimes shaking me awake at night and, with a look on their face halfway between sympathetic pain and disturbance, telling me to “Stop grinding your teeth!”

Sure, I’ll just tell my subconscious mind that is controlling that behavior IN MY SLEEP to knock it off. Problem solved.

I’ve been so worked up about coronavirus and our Mango-in-Chief global joke of a president demanding that schools reopen in full come fall. I’m worried about my USC friends who acquired jobs in places like Florida and North Carolina, where the virus is raging but where schools plan to open either as normal or as “mostly” normal.

I think I stopped grinding my teeth once San Diego Unified put out their joint statement with LA Unified that they’d be fully online come fall. My mouth still feels like I’ve been snacking on steel ball bearings, but it’s starting to feel better.

It’s a relief to know that it doesn’t look like I’ll be part of an epidemiological experiment once the new school year starts. But I’m still mourning all the unnecessary death that’s taken place in the United States, and I’m still stressed about teacher friends who will be put in harm’s way because politicians insist upon putting profit and partisan culture wars above people’s health.

So given everything that’s going on, it’s been good to have a novel to focus on, complete with a new outline that has me writing along at a good pace.

As often happens, I don’t have a good way to wrap this post up. I’m just grateful that I’m healthy, LT is healthy, and so are our other loved ones. I’m grateful for my readers; I’m grateful that I get to spend my summer writing; I’m grateful that I found a job in this insane job market (LT is still searching after being laid off).

I hope all of you have plenty to be grateful for, too, and wherever you are, I hope you are being safe and healthy.